There was no backing down now. Original Becky knew that she would have to own up to Mother and confess she was the oxford shirt slasher of Delaware Ave. It was shameful, yes, but how else would she achieve the mixed print look of her dreams on her Buy and Bag salary? The ol’ cut-n-patch technique she learned in Home Ec. class had really come in handy.
When Original Becky is in the mood for chicken fingers, Mark’s mood doesn’t really figure into her decision-making process.
Fucking CHEERS?
When Mother broke the news that she’d have to baby-sit DJ that night instead of going to the Homecoming Hoedown, Original Becky knew only one thing could truly console her. She retreated to the Just Bead It store next door to Rodbell’s to work on another choker.
Figuring out what to do with your hair when you’re growing out bangs is a challenge we ultimately all have to face alone, but Original Becky has no problem sharing her face yoga secrets. Instant brow lift.
While Darlene suggested to Dad that he go in for the ol’ “snip snip” since DJ proved to be such a disaster as a human being, Original Becky took a moment to think longingly about the day in the not so distant future where she could liberate her neck from its seemingly constant cotton-poly blend prison.
Original Becky thinks you should probably take a chill pill. And maybe a computer skills class.
It was Darlene’s turn to help Mother unload the groceries that week, but Original Becky was planning to go as Matilda Wormwood for Halloween so she figured she should take this opportunity to practice her telekinesis. She got the grape soda and potato pearls out of the bag and into the pantry before passing out from the eye strain.
Even though she is totally giving you the silent treatment right now, Original Becky still wants you to acknowledge how nice and smooth her topsy tail is today.
Ever since Mother and Dad started letting Original Becky bring her Walkman on the bus to school, she seemed to have a new swagger in her step. Or maybe it had something to do with all the Malibu her neighbor Molly poured into her Hi-C. Either way, she was throwing the phrase “sike boi” around an awful lot for someone in a turtleneck.
